I want to escape this cage I am trapped in. I am locked in a cage that I cannot escape. I am prisoner to darkness. Darkness does not like to see me happy and when I am, it always finds a way to bring me back down.
I look at myself in the mirror and I do not like what I see. I tell myself that I am not good enough and then I keep thinking about the what if’s. What if I wasn’t born this way? What if I wasn’t born at all? What if I did feel like I am good enough?
Darkness is like a cloudy day. So windy and gray— it hides the sun from shining. Silver lining, shine so bright. Scarlet blood, it feels so right.
I am a paradox. I am neither happy, nor sad. I laugh at funny things and smile at pretty things, but during the night, that changes. I become a giant ball of despair. I shed scarlet tears.
My thoughts and emotions are a mess, I lose control. And at that very moment, I hope to disappear. Every time.
Sometimes it’s not just during the night. Sometimes it’s during the day— I am fey. I’m like glass. Fragile and easy to break. I can no longer fight this battle.
written at age 16